Reese Witherspoon is leading a double life. By day, she’s a wildly (please hold your applause) successful film actress, and a staunch champion of female-centric films as the head of her own production company, Pacific Standard. But by other parts of the day, she’s the owner of just-launched “lifestyle and retail portal” Draper James. As Reese explains it, Draper James (no relation to Don, which is just a huge synergistic misstep) will offer “a perfect dress so that you feel pretty always, stationery for every occasion…and all that you need to make your space feel like home sweet home.” In other words, cocktail napkins that read “Pleased As Punch” and retail for $85. 

I think I speak for all of us when I ask: Who are you REALLY, Reese? An outspoken Hollywood feminist, or a depraved capitalist exploiting your natural Southern charms to try and sell us $155 tote bags that read “Totes, Y’all”? 

But as deceived and confused as we all feel, let’s examine the possibility that Reese’s nefarious-lifestyle-retailer persona—her second life, if you will—is merely research for an upcoming role. Variety reports that the Oscar-winning actress is co-developing and will potentially star in Second Life, adapted from the novel of the same name by S.J. Watson (whose previous novel, Before I Go To Sleep, was adapted into a crap film last year).

Contrary to what I may have just suggested, Second Life is not about a pernicious Southern Belle shilling overpriced hostess gifts. Rather, it’s about Julia Plummer, a woman desperate to find the person who murdered her sister. To do so, Julia takes to the interwebs, creating a false online persona and crawling the various dating sites that her sibling frequented. As long as she’s not poking the Craigslist trolls, I feel like Julia will probably be fine? At least physically, that is: As Variety puts it, “she starts to lose herself in the lies she creates.” 

Just like Reese, who is currently buried under piles of $225 lace cardigans, completely unaware of the lurking, bespoke-candlestick-wielding shadows of Blake Lively and Gwyneth Paltrow in the distance.