I don't know about you guys, but I've always felt like Disney isn't doing enough with its tentpole fairytales. I think I speak for all of us when I ask: Where are the racks of princess-emblazoned nightgowns? Where are the massive theme parks filled with grown humans dressed as cartoons? Where are the endless adaptations, the reboots and the sequels that we, the live-action proletariat, so richly deserve?
Fortunately, Kenneth Branagh, Shakespeare's wet-dream incarnate, is here to remedy this. He's behind Disney's upcoming live-action version of Cinderella, a trailer for which came out while the entire world operated under the mass delusion that today wasn't ever going to happen.
Branagh’s adaptation wasn't the only trailer that rose from the ashes (which Cinderella will probably sweep) of our all-too-brief holiday respite. Here are new peeks at:
Project Almanac, which follows a group of teens who decide it's a good idea to start casually fucking with the space-time continuum. We’ve all been there. (There are actually five new TV spots for this — Collider has them all.)
The Woman In Gold, starring the ineffable Helen Mirren as real-life heroine Maria Altmann, who worked to track down art stolen by the Nazis during World War II.
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out Of Water, which is about the unending frustrations of doing the dishes without a dishwasher.
Everly, in which Salma Hayek does her best Die Hard impression.
Jackie Chan’s historical epic Dragon Blade, set in China in 48 B.C. It’s currently only slated for release in China and Singapore, but maybe if we all click “play” (or our heels) for the next 14 hours, it will eventually make its way over to us.
David Cross’ Hits. The movie marks the feature-film writing and directing debut for the Arrested Development and Mr. Show star, premiered at Sundance last year and doesn’t yet have a release date, but that shouldn’t stop you from watching this trailer and helping generate hype for yet another movie you may never see. Do it!
Get Hard, not to be confused with Walk Hard or Get Shorty or Walk Shorty. Nay, in this particular film, Kevin Hart trains white-collar criminal Will Ferrell for prison, even though the former has never been incarcerated. Hilarity ensues? There’s a monkey, too.
To Write Love On Her Arms, which sees Kat Dennings as the troubled young woman whose story kick-started a national movement and a nonprofit of the same name.
The big-screen debut of the Peanuts crew — in this trailer, Snoopy briefly impersonates a snowman and Charlie Brown hides inside of a bucket of popcorn. Again, we’ve all been there.
Suburban Gothic, a horror-comedy with John Waters. That sentence is a gift horse and I don’t want to look it in the mouth. But I will, for you: It also stars Kat Dennings (striking a very different note), Matthew Gray Gubler (Criminal Minds, 500 Days Of Summer) and Leland Palmer. I mean, Ray Wise. (But really, he’s Leland Palmer.)
The Entourage movie, a real, actual thing that's happening on this Earth. We get the art we deserve, I suppose.