UPDATE: Badass Digest has some further details on this new development, including the rumor that this is the start of a new shared universe.
It was a very exciting announcement indeed when Sony unveiled the cast of its all-female Ghostbusters at the end of January. Made up of SNL stalwarts Kristen Wiig, Leslie Jones, and Kate McKinnon, as well as friend-of-SNL Melissa McCarthy, it was a massive step forward for studio gender relations. Finally, at long last, we had irrefutable proof that women were beginning to claim the ground for which they’ve fought tooth and nail all these years. It would be a comedy by women (though confirmed human man Paul Feig would direct), for everybody, finally putting a bullet between the eyes of that putrid assertion that ladies aren’t funny once and for all.
Not everybody took this news well, however. Many folks on the Internet (whom I imagine to be like little carbon copies of Tom Cruise in Magnolia, only without the charisma, depth, and rippling abs) cried foul, fearful that watching ghosts get busted by vagina-havers would ruin their childhoods, or whatever. To an extent, that’s fair. Personally, the announcement of Ghostbustin’ Gals ruined my golden boyhood, but that’s only because my mother would tuck me in and whisper, “I will love you until the end of time, or until they reboot Ghostbusters with an all-female cast. I will love you until whichever of those comes first.”
So, thanks, new Ghostbusters. Now my mother no longer loves me.
In what is becoming a dishearteningly regular occurrence, the power-wielders in pop culture have bent to the will of the sentient bags of Cool Ranch Doritos causing a misogynistic uproar on the Internet. Deadline reports that the adult white men at Sony—I’m sorry, someone’s been tampering with my cue cards, that should read “the executives at Sony”—announced yesterday that they would release an all-male Ghostbusters action-comedy as a companion to Feig’s Lady Ghostbusters film. The necessity of a Ghostbusters 4 Guyz may seem unclear, what with that already being a thing that exists, but allow me to explain: The entertainment industry is run by craven cardboard cutouts masquerading as human men, and the world is a generally terrible place.
I’m being dramatic, as is my wont, but only a little. This is unequivocally disappointing news. The all-male Ghostbusters will probably be perfectly good, too. (Captain America: The Winter Soldier directors the Russo brothers will handle the newly announced film, and Channing Tatum and Chris Pratt are rumored to star.) And that’s the really messed-up part. If the opening weekend grosses of Boystbusters exceed those of Girlstbusters, all the wrong people will learn all the wrong lessons.
So enjoy your all-male Ghostbusters, people who were offended by the prospect of an all-female Ghostbusters. For you, I have only the immortal words of Twitter user @birdsrightsactivist: “I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?”