Move over, Inherent Vice, because Starz Media and Anchor Bay Entertainment have acquired the rights for an upcoming movie actually worth looking forward to: Shelby. Unlike Paul Thomas Anderson’s Thomas Pynchon-derived snorefest (more like Inherently Boring!), Shelby features everybody’s favorite anti-vaccination advocate, Rob Schneider, as the voice of the title character, a lovable (yet mischievous) pooch who “escapes the local pound” and ends up in the loving home of an aspiring magician and his grandpa (Chevy Chase), all while being pursued by a villainous dogcatcher.
In a press release announcing the prohibitive favorite to sweep the Oscars every single year, Schneider commented, “This movie has a lot of heart and a lot of laughs, it isn’t just for kids, and it’s fun for the whole family.”
Chase countered with: “As actors, we’ve all been warned never to work with dogs and children, but there’s something about Shelby that’s very refreshingly family and funny at the same time.” So while Schneider seems to think the movie is fun, funny, and family-friendly, Chase goes an antithetical direction by arguing instead that it’s family-friendly, funny, and fun.
Chase’s hilarious, not-at-all-publicist-penned comment references the old saw about never working with children or animals, and may also be an allusion to his work on the poorly received Benji vehicle Oh Heavenly Dog—or Chase’s own memory of that film and everything from 1976 to 1983 may be lost in a massive cocaine fog. It’s also possible the film’s publicist knows Chase only as that creepy old man who keeps saying inappropriate things and maybe was on a show called Community College or something?
At this point, you’re probably thinking, Chevy Chase and the voice of Rob Schneider as a mischievous dog!?! That is literally the single greatest cast of all time. It’s like Doubt and shit over there! The only way a cast like that could be improved would be with the addition of a Tom Arnold. Well, sit down, hold the phone, and have your monocle secured to your face securely, because Tom Arnold is in the movie as well, possibly playing a comical dog-catcher. You aren’t going to see any of that in that Inherent Vice horseshit. Check and mate, Shelby. Now look into this puppy’s face and tell me you’re not planning to see this motherfucker over and over again.