In a surprisingly successful bid to make the bone-dry hobby of spinning tops into a slick, xxx-treme (and xxx-tremely collectible) fad, Hasbro imported the popular Japanese manga Bakuten Shuto Beiburedo, also known as Explosive Shoot Beyblade, also known simply as Beyblade, for American consumption. It was a hit, and right in line, an animated series and highly lucrative line of collectible tops followed. These tops could be closely customized—“pimped out”, as the kids would say—to more effectively defeat your top-opponents in top-battle. The weaponized tops first gained in popularity during the early 2000s, but they’ve shown more staying power by remaining relevant and enjoyed by children and collectors up to the present day.
Presumably, those are the people who will be delighted to hear that a live-action Beyblade film will soon spin its way into theaters. Deadline reported last night that Paramount Pictures, the architects of such hugely lucrative toy-based franchises as Transformers and G.I. Joe, will adapt the lore of the Beyblades for the silver screen. The project’s still in the earliest stages of gestation, with no plot or creative personnel to speak of. The affiliation with such high-sheen yet braindead series as Transformers: Robot Dinosaur Megadeath Explosion and G.I. Joe: Army Explosions doesn’t engender hope, however.
Paramount, here’s a freebie: Bey-blade. Bey-oncé. Maybe there’s something there. Maybe she’s spinning on a top? I don’t know. You guys are the experts, not me.