The Newsies is a regular feature that sees The Dissolve cheerfully adding to the awards glut by handing out imaginary awards related to the day’s movie news.
What A Lovely, Lovely Day Of The Day: Mad Max: Fury Road sequels in the works
Mad Max: Fury Road took the box office…kind of? by storm this weekend, pulling in less than Pitch Perfect 2 but more than Avengers: Age Of Ultron. It also made me weep hysterically, which was certainly not the response I thought I would have to a balls-out summer action movie, but there you go. Today, George Miller verified that he’s got “one screenplay and a novella” in the works as sequels. “It happened because with the delays [on Fury Road], and writing all the backstories, they just expanded,” he said. He also revealed that he’d like the next film to be titled Mad Max: The Wasteland. I will watch anything that man makes for the rest of his life, even if it’s just a ham sandwich, so.
Can You Smell What The Rock Is…Nevermind Of The Day: The Rock will definitely be in Furious 8, may get his own spinoff
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson took a break from eating piles of cod to tell a Collider reporter that he’d definitely be back as Hobbs for Furious 8. “Of course. It can’t go on without Hobbs,” were Johnson’s exact words, brimming with the exact level of hubris you’d expect from an 18-foot giant who could collapse your ribs by just turning his head in your general direction. When it came time to discuss the possibility of a Hobbs solo film, Johnson was a bit more verbose and vague: “We all are interested in it. I just had a big conversation with the studio. So we’ll see. I still think for me personally we’ve created a little bit of space for him in 7 and the gauge is set for what the audience will want. That’s my take on it, you know, but a lot of other people have to have input.” A “big conversation”: The only kind of conversation that The Rock can have.
Youngest, Cutest Pope Of The Day: Jude Law, in Paolo Sorrentino’s The Young Pope
Jude Law will play the young (relatively), hot (relatively), American (but not in real life, this is confusing, but bear with me) pope in Paolo Sorrentino’s first TV series, the enigmatically titled The Young Pope. The English-language series is a joint production of Sky, HBO, and France’s Canal Plus, and all eight episodes will be directed and co-written by Sorrentino. The Young Pope revolves around a “fictional American pope who becomes the most conservative one the Vatican has ever seen.” A conservative, hot, young American who is also a pope! The mind reels. As THR notes, “The show is in the works at a time when Pope Francis is widely considered the most open-minded pope in recent times.” But not the youngest or the cutest?? Wow, THR.
Youngest, Cutest Matthew McConaughey Of The Day: Matthew McConaughey, who is “sure open” to being a superhero
Matthew McConaughey, whose career has resurged just as strongly as The Rock’s, but with less cod, revealed to Variety that he’s been chatting with Marvel and DC about possibly becoming a superhero (in the movies; maybe also in real life, but that’s none of our goddamn business). “I’ve read some Marvel and DC scripts and I’ve talked about working with them on some scripts, none of which I’ll share with with you what they are—or were. Yeah, I’ve circled some of those. Nothing has been right for me yet. But I’m sure open to it.” I love the way Matthew McConaughey speaks. He’d really make a great young, hot pope (in real life, of course; not trying to steal Jude’s young, hot, fictionally American thunder).
David Oyelowo’s Next Thing Of The Day: Three Seconds
David Oyelowo has joined Luke Evans in Three Seconds, the amount of time it takes The Rock to find, kill, and eat an entire cod and also an upcoming thriller directed by Peaky Blinders’ Otto Bathurst. Based on the bestselling Swedish novel of the same name, the movie “tells the story of a man forced to go undercover in prison as part of an FBI operation. When he’s abandoned, however, he’s forced to escape on his own.” Oyelowo will play an “anti-social N.Y.P.D. detective who quickly begins unraveling the FBI’s operation after the murder of a fellow officer.” Has anybody ever seen a happy Swedish film or read a happy Swedish novel? Please advise.