The Newsies is a regular feature that sees The Dissolve cheerfully adding to the awards glut by handing out imaginary awards related to the day’s movie news.
Whatcha Doin, Pedro Almodovar? Of The Day: Casting his new movie, Silencio
Pedro Almodovar has announced the cast for his latest film, Silencio: Emma Suarez and Ariadna Ugarte will play the leads, with Inma Cuesta, Rosy de Palma, Nathalia Pozo, Pilar Castro, Dario Grandinetti, Daniel Grao, Joaquin Notario, and Blanca Pares as the supporting cast. No Penelope Cruz, which makes me sad, but we’re still cool, Pedro. Almodovar is billing the film as his “return to the cinema of women,” and THR explains that it follows Suarez and Ugarte as the same character, Julieta, “in a drama focusing on destiny, the complexity of guilt, and what makes people abandon those they love.” In other words, it will bring the lols and the doppelgangers. The film will follow a 30-year span of Juliet’s life, starting from 1985, “when everything was much better than in the present” (er, was it? we can talk about this later, Pedro) to 2015, “when everything seems beyond repair and she is on the verge of madness.” It wouldn’t be an Almodovar film if some woman somewhere wasn’t on the verge of something, so I feel good about this.
Franchise Thing Of The Day: Sony’s live-action Robotech
Sony has secured the rights to popular anime series Robotech, and is planning to turn it into a live-action feature and possible franchise because cash. The series “centered on humanity’s use of robot technology to fend off alien invaders and has an Independence Day meets Star Wars vibe,” according to Variety. People love robots, robots hate aliens, and Sony really understands people, so I can’t see how this would go wrong in any way.
Marvel Thing Of The Day: Adam McKay may direct something
The Latino Review, which loves to wildly speculate and I’m not even mad about it, is alleging that Adam McKay is “on deck” to direct a Marvel movie. They don’t know which one, but they go on to further wildly speculate that it might be Inhumans, which debuts in four years. Are we even going to be here in four years, though? Like, what about the whole alien invaders thing we just talked about? And there is a very good chance that the robots we hired to kill those invaders will become intelligent enough to kill us all at that point. Anyway, I hope Adam McKay gets to direct a Marvel movie before we all die. Maybe even Deadpool, the Marvel movie about four teenage best friends who make a fun bet about which one of them will kick the bucket first and then they all die in a tragic bathtub-installing accident.
(Electric) Shock! Of The Day: The Experimenter picked up by Magnolia
Magnolia has acquired North American rights to Michael Almereyda’s drama Experimenter, starring Peter Sarsgaard and Winona Ryder. The movie dramatizes Stanley Milgram’s experiment, in which subjects “were made to believe they were administering electric shocks to others in order to test why people will cede to authority.” Because authority is scary! There, I solved it. Experimenter premiered in January at Sundance, and our own Mike D’Angelo called it “riveting” but also “fundamentally expository,” which is how I describe most of my dreams in my daily, typed reviews of them.
Fast-Food Villain Of The Day: Ray Kroc
John Lee Hancock’s The Founder, starring Michael Keaton as McDonalds founder and diabolical genius Ray Kroc, who I always picture as laughing maniacally in a very fancy cave, will hit theaters on Nov. 25, 2016. This is right in time for awards season and for my planned takeover of McDonalds so I can have all of their sweet and sour sauce for free forever. The movie chronicles how Kroc, a salesman from Illinois (repreSENT), met Mac and Dick McDonald, who were running a “burger operation” (sounds serious I hope it went well) in 1950s SoCal. Kroc was “impressed by the brothers’ speedy system of making the food and saw franchise potential.” Thank God Kroc never got his hands on a Marvel property. Kroc then “maneuvered himself into a position to be able to pull the company from the brothers [looming over them as they slept, heaving with anticipation] and create a billion-dollar empire.” The tone of the script, according to THR, will be The Social Network meets There Will Be Blood. Sounds disturbing and everything, and Kroc seems like a real mofo, but nothing will keep me away from sweet and sour sauce, so.