After starring in blockbuster genre films in the early ’90s, then relentlessly satirizing blockbuster genre films in Birdman and vaguely insulting blockbuster genre films in Entertainment Weekly, Michael Keaton has signed on to star in a blockbuster genre film. Either he’s reveling in the irony of it all, or he didn’t notice it in the first place and is just thrilled that he’s been cast in something our own Scott Tobias hasn’t yet destroyed with his words alone. Some might call this the unexpected virtue of ignorance. (Thank you, I’ll be here all night.)
The actor—already a Golden Globe and Screen Actor’s Guild nominee, a probable contender for Best Actor at this year’s Oscars, an erstwhile fly fisherman, and a sporter of inexplicable sunglasses—has just agreed to star in Kong: Skull Island alongside Tom Hiddleston and J.K. Simmons. The movie isn’t out until March 10, 2017, so that gives us approximately two years and two months to tirelessly speculate about it. Let’s get started!
The official press release describes Kong as follows: “Kong: Skull Island will fully immerse audiences in the mysterious and dangerous home of the king of the apes as a team of explorers ventures deep inside the treacherous, primordial island. Legendary’s story honors the foundations of existing King Kong lore, but places it in an entirely new, distinct timeline.” Apparently, the film will tell King Kong’s origin story, meaning we’ll all find out what kind of parenting he was subjected to (probably great parenting). Jordan Vogt-Roberts (The Kings Of Summer) is set to direct (Joe Cornish allegedly passed on the project), and two Godzilla producers—Thomas Tull and Jon Jashni—are on-board, which is promising on the massive, primordial-monster front.
My very scientific casting predictions: J.K. Simmons, who has proven himself terrifying, will probably be playing Kong, the mythical creatures that roam the “treacherous island,” and the treacherous island. Keaton, as a wacky and unhinged explorer, will likely spend much of the film fly-fishing in a blissful haze.