Over the 100-plus-year history of cinema, there have been many great movie casts. Like Robert Altman’s Nashville, which featured Shelley Duvall, Karen Black, Ned Beatty, Lily Tomlin, Michael Murphy, Ronee Blakley, and many more. Or how about the original Godfather, with Brando, Pacino, Caan, Duvall, Keaton, and Cazale? Very impressive. But not impressive as the veritable Murderers’ Row of acting talent being assembled for WWE Studios’ next production: Ken Jeong, David Hasselhoff, and Hulk Hogan. Actually, that’s better than a Murderers’ Row; that’s like a Murderers’ Row of murderers who only murder other murderers.
Deadline has the details on this film, which sounds intriguing. Jeong will star as “a struggling nightclub owner in debt to a loan shark who sets out to win his long-running celebrity death pool by offing his chosen celebrity: David Hasselhoff.” Hogan will co-star, and while Deadline doesn’t specify his part, I’m hoping he’ll play the loan shark. Or perhaps an actual shark with a yellow-and-red bandana.
Though known primarily for movies starring WWE wrestlers (like The Marine, starring John Cena, or The Marine 2, starring Ted DiBiase, or The Marine 3: Homefront, starring Mike “The Miz” Mizanin) and movies about marines (see above), WWE Studios has started to branch out into non-headlock-related fields (although grapplers do still tend to show up in small supporting roles). They did the not-terrible Halle Berry thriller The Call, and last spring’s horror film Oculus. They’re also working on a Vince Vaughn crime thriller called Term Life and a big-screen version of The Fall Guy starring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, which sounds like a movie I would pay $12 to see.
Celebrity death pools are real (my uncle was in one years ago, and used to talk about it all the time), and they could make a great premise for a very dark comedy, particularly if Hasselhoff is willing to make fun of his own image as a cheese-tastic icon of ’80s and ’90s television (and history has repeatedly shown that he is). If they can get in some additional celebrity cameos, this could really be something. Either way, on the basis of the cast list and plot synopsis alone, I already give this movie 300 stars. If they title it Off The Hoff, I automatically bump that up to 350 stars.